The Reaping.

Fair warning, if you did not read or see The Hunger Games, then parts of this post may not make sense.
Go HERE for a quick synopsis.

Tomorrow is scan day.

It's impossible to not be nervous, improbable that I won't want to cry on the drive to Dallas.

For some reason, it seems like forever since the last scans (in January). Granted, we have added two new members to our family and lost a lot of sleep since then, but usually it does not feel like such a long time in between scans.

When I read The Hunger Games, I was struck by the Reaping. How cruel it was to send these children into such a seemingly insurmountable situation as their parents just watched, utterly helpless.

And then to stand by, unable to do anything to make it go away, as their children fight the fight of their lives? Unbearable.

That's where I am.

I feel so helpless.

Helpless as we lay him on the table and watch him drift out of consciousness.

Helpless as we wait in the tiny room with too few chairs and old magazines, trying to distract ourselves as the machines work over him.

Helpless as we sit in front of the doctors, analyzing their body language and looks in their eyes in the moments before they speak, trying to determine if it will be good news or bad news.

Helpless. I thought it would get easier as time goes on and we get more clear scans under our belt (thankful is not a big enough word for what we feel for those clear scans) but it just doesn't. We know our world could be upside down again in a matter of seconds. And we remember all too well what that upside down world feels like.

I used to follow so many fighters like Jackson, through blogs or Facebook. There are a couple that I still do keep up with, either because they are local or I've connected with the moms, but other than that I just can't. It's all too real and too close to home. It's kind of like how you think to yourself "Oh I can't imagine how that feels" but then you realize, yes you sure can imagine. Pretty much a sucker punch.

The Reaping could be an analogy for childhood cancer. So many people have felt unbearable pain and had so many helpless moments as they watched their precious, loved, adored, special child fighting so hard to just LIVE. Unfair doesn't even begin to cover it.

We are so blessed to still be here, to still be fighting. A lot of families are not so lucky. Not a day goes by that I don't look at Jackson and just feel in awe of what he has already accomplished at age 4. Sometimes that happens after he has been in time out for stealing Spiderman from his brother, but it happens nonetheless!

We serve a Mighty God, one that is working on me every day to lean on Him instead of feeling helpless. I am asking you to join us in prayer that Jackson's scans are 100% clear tomorrow!!

And, this guy could use your prayers right now. Such an amazing kid with unshakable faith.

Our day tomorrow looks like this: check in at 8:00, MRI at 9:00, CT at 10:00, clinic visit at 11:00. Then we head to a different part of Dallas for a visit with a pediatric dermatologist to check out Jack's foot.

I'll be back soon with results and some pictures!

Thank you for praying!

Still here.

We're still here! Surviving. Even thriving some days. Alot of days, actually.

I would NEVER say having 4 kids 4 and under is easy...but it's not as hard as I thought (feared) it would be.

Probably 5 out of 7 days we don't leave the house but that's ok. When we get stircrazy I just remind myself it's just a phase and before we know it, we'll be all over town at baseball, soccer and dance.

The babies are doing really good. Lyla had some major weight gain issues but hopefully we are on the downhill part of that struggle. At their 2 month appt she was almost 8lbs and Landry was almost 10lbs. They are starting to look around alot, notice their mobile, hold their heads up and just generally be awake and alert instead of snoozing all day. Thankfully though, there is still quite a bit of napping going on! We've had a couple of hospital stays, one for phototherapy and one for fever/congestion.

The big boys are also doing well. Jackson is super excited right now about everything school-related (they go to MDO one day a week). He's very into numbers and letters, and he constantly talks about getting frog stickers so he can go to the treasure box! Brayden is really warming up to the babies (he never acted badly towards them, just indifferent). He tells them he loves them now but seems to think both of them are named Landry :)

We have really been focusing on spending time with just the big boys, separately and together. When one of us has to run into town, we'll grab one of them to ride with us for a little alone time. We've also had a few outings...Disney on Ice (courtesy of Medical City!) and The Lorax. There have been a few park trips and some playing outside as well!

I think overall we are all adjusting well! Here are several pictures in no particular order. I would love to caption them all but duty calls!!






































{A friend that is stationed overseas sent this to the boys. Pretty cool!!}

Praises and Pictures.

A few praises from the past two plus weeks...

Jackson's scans came back CLEAR! He has had one full year of clear scans which is HUGE. Thank you for all the prayers and good thoughts!

Also, the dermatologist called and told us that the second shave of his foot was successful...they got every bit of the mole.

And.......these sweet things made their appearance.



Landry and Lyla, born 1/21/12, twelve minutes apart.






{Last minute belly shot. 37 weeks.}


{Last picture as a family of four.}


{♥}


{Brayden was more interested in his train at first but he loves his babies.}


{Jackson on the other hand has been in love with his baby brother and sister from the start.}


{It's gonna be crazy at our house...but so worth it.}

Go to www.marieq.com/blog to see a couple of shots from our newborn pictures today!

I didn't mean to fall off the face of the Earth.

It may have had something to do with raising/chasing two and growing/preparing for two :)

Either way, I'm back and hopefully I can continue to keep up with this blog. I love to have it as a way to look back at what my babies were doing and saying at certain points in their lives, and it's also a wonderful way to keep people updated on Jackson.

Speaking of, his scans are this Wednesday the 4th. If these are clear, that will mark one year of clear scans which is a HUGE milestone in his remission! Please pray with us that there is zero evidence of cancer in his sweet body.

When I last blogged, we were still waiting for the 2nd pathology results from the mole removed from his foot. We didn't get word until the middle of October, which was an excruciating wait, and the 2nd pathologist felt like it was NOT cancerous. We were incredibly relieved but our dermatologist felt that we couldn't be too careful considering his history. She recommended that we have more tissue removed from his foot to ensure that it was all gone (the original biopsy of his foot indicated that some was left behind). We had the additional tissue removed this past Friday and we should hear back from the dermatologist in the next few days. This has left us in a bit of a limbo with his foot, but ultimately we feel like that it's not as serious of a situation as originally thought.

2011 was an amazing year for us...not without some hiccups for sure, but overall it was one for the record books.

Jackson completed his treatment plan in January and had clear scans ALL YEAR. So thankful!

We enjoyed getting back to normal in the Spring and spent lots of time outdoors and visiting family and friends. We did a lot of fun outings to make up for our months of lockdown!

In May we went on our biggest outing...Jackson's Make-A-Wish trip!! Still need to blog about that. We had some major issues with our digital picture storage...hopefully all the kinks have been figured out and my husband will stop lecturing me on the subject ;)

In June, just a couple of days after getting back from our trip, we found out we were expecting. And a couple of weeks later, we went to my first appointment and were SHOCKED to find out there were TWO babies in there!! The next few weeks were spent on the couch for me...thankfully I wasn't sick too long because I was miserable!

In August Ryan turned the big 3-0 and in September the boys turned 2 and 4! September also brought some scary news about Jackson's foot...and we found out that the babies were a He and a She! We also celebrated the boys birthdays and had our Heroes for Children 5k on the same day (another thing I need to blog about!).

The fall was mostly spent preparing for the babies...we had our house on the market during the spring, but took it off once we knew we were growing by two. We just didn't want to rush a sale, possibly lose money because the market wasn't so great and then settle on a house we weren't in love with because we had a deadline. So we have purged, cleaned, repaired, etc for a few months and we are almost ready!

We had a great holiday season with Thanksgiving and Christmas--so nice to not be locked down during the holidays!

12 things I hope to accomplish in 2012:

1. SURVIVE! Adding two babies to the mix will be mostly exciting, but there are sure to be crazy, stressful days!

2. Grow spiritually, pray as a family more and get more involved at church.

3. Learn how to use my Christmas gift--an embroidery machine!

4. Spend quality time with each child, each day. Also--have "Jackson and Brayden" days occasionally so they don't feel overshadowed.

5. Take the boys to my Grandpa's farm as much as possible. And the park--makes them SO happy.

6. Actually run in the Heroes for Children 5k this September.

7. Organize my pictures (digitally and the ones already printed) and print pictures occasionally and start Project Life.

8. Stay up-to-date with my blog and go back and blog important events.

9. Keep up with the organization and purged spaces that we worked so hard to achieve!

10.Spend time with friends--without kids--at least once a month. Same goes for time with my husband!

11.Be a better Christian, wife, mother, daughter and friend.

12.Continue to teach Jackson and Brayden the importance of giving back, through our hospital and as other opportunities present themselves.

Hopefully I can look back and feel good about my progress throughout the year! All bets are off if the twins are colicky though!!

Happy New Year!

It's the little things.

Today was not an easy day.

A crabby (but still cute) two year old and a hormonal Momma don't mix well. Add in the waiting and it's a mess.

And did I mention the hormones?? They're doubled, you know.

At least that's my excuse.

So by the time soccer practice rolled around this evening, Momma was tired.

We dropped the cute crab off with my mom and then headed out. Turned up the music and sang Jack's favorite Incubus song.

A little fresh air and watching my lil guy run around happily was all Momma needed.

Instant mood booster.


{Ready to go!}


{Check out that form!}


{A flower for Momma mid-practice. Not gonna lie, this made my night.}


{I will never, ever get tired of that crazy hair and those gorgeous lashes.}


{Goin' for the goal!}


{Worn out.}


{This is as good as it gets with these two!}


{Love my sweaty, dirty, red-faced soccer player.}

On the way home, I was telling Jackson how proud I was that he tried hard and just enjoyed himself. He said "I'm proud of myself, too." :)

When I told him I loved my flower and thanked him, he told me "That's because I love you, Mommy."

Like I said, instant mood booster.

Who can be grouchy after that? The little things can erase all the ugly from the day so easily.

And thankfully, the cute crab had a good time with Gram and PaPaw and was happy as could be when we got him.

Love my boys so much.

Even when they make me crazy.